A New State (Get Yours)

Courtesy of my lovely friend and former student, Mah-G, a magical human being. :-)

State commonly refers to… the present condition of a system or entity…
(Courtesy of everyone's friend, Wikipedia.)

I just started a new job in a new state last week.

Over the past six months, I'd written a few blog posts about my decision to leave the job I'd had for almost seven years and move to a different state (which you can read here, here, and here, if you are so inclined).  In those posts, I touched on some of the practical aspects of unemployment, but mostly, I discussed the things I was learning throughout that part of my life's journey.  I thought that once I found employment, I would write a post about the end of that process, but what I find interesting is that I don't feel like there is an "end" to write about, besides saying, "I got a job" after almost six months of being unemployed.

So, yes, I got a job, and I started it last week.  I moved to a new apartment in a new state.  But that's not the end of the story.

I keep getting asked the question, "How is your new job?" And to be honest, I don't have a great answer. So far, so good, is the best answer I can give.  I like the people, and I like that my schedule is flexible and that I can wear jeans on Fridays (Yay!). I like that my new supervisor seems to be someone who will help me grow professionally and who is a down to earth, confident woman of color with no apparent ego issues (More yay!). Other than that, there isn't much I can say. I'm thankful to be employed.

While part of the reason why I left my previous job was because it was really just time to go, another reason was because my spirit and soul were not being fed in that region of the state (or country, but go with me here).  I needed to leave from that place because nothing was changing around me, and everything within me was screaming for change.  I felt as if I was dying inside, and honestly, I don't know if I ever didn't feel that way for the thirteen years I was there, I think I just tried my best to deal with the situation I was in.

State commonly refers to… the present condition of a system or entity…

So yes, I took the plunge and moved, first to a state where I had family and friends, and now to the state where my current position is located (thankfully, still close enough to family and friends).  And I really don't know what I expected to happen between the time that I left my previous job and now.  I thought I would probably spend more time writing my book.  I thought that I would read more and work out more.  I thought I would have some type of epiphany and discover what I was supposed to do.  I thought that some of the people I met along the way would be people I would become friends with.  I thought I had found a new mentor.  None of that really happened.  I really just moved to a new state and started a new job, and there is nothing magical about either of those things (if we're being pragmatic, which I am not prone to be).  

This process of going from being employed, to unemployment, to being employed again wasn't really about work, if you ask the people who know me best.  They would say that I have worked really hard and that I deserved a break.  And even I would say that I moved so that I could focus more on family, both my immediate family as well as the family I hope to have one day.  However, I learned how much I value work while I was unemployed.  I didn't do any of the things that I thought I would do during my break because I spent so much of that time focused on work: looking for work, doing part-time work, working on my job-search skills, networking, working on letters to help people get into school so that they can find meaningful work, and doing housework.  I viewed the six months I had off from work as more work, and I took on any and everything that would make me feel like a contributing member of society.  I didn't rest and relax as much as I could, or should have.  And I don't regret that. I don't apologize for it.  Even though I wasn't gainfully employed for half of this year, I was busy working to get to where I am today.  At this new job and in this new apartment in this new state; both a physical state as well as a spiritual, emotional, and mental state.

State commonly refers to… the present condition of a system or entity…

If there is anything that I learned in the past six months, it's that putting yourself in a position to receive something new takes work on your behalf.  It doesn't just happen because "it's meant to be".  I do tend to use that phrase often, but in reality, if I had not put in the time, energy, or effort to pack up and move, or to create the Excel chart to keep track of my job search, or to connect with any and everybody I needed to support me in this process, I would not be here today.  I believe that people and events do align to create the opportunities for new things to happen in our lives, but that only works if we are open to those people, and if we play our part at those events.  Nothing happens to me that I have not set in motion to occur.  You have to make your destiny, and along the way, God, people, and situations will lift you, hold you, and guide you towards that destiny.

I woke up one morning and DECIDED that the life I was living was no longer the life I wanted to live.  I CHOSE to step into many unknowns, with faith in God and the support of my family and friends.  I BELIEVED that wherever I landed, I would land safely.  And I TRUST that this is not the end of my story that began December 22, 2013, when I drove away from the state, and the condition, that I'd inhabited for thirteen years.  I KNOW that this is only the beginning of something new and great, and my soul and spirit are excited to see what new adventures await, in this new state of being that I have worked to reach.

A new state.  Get yours.  It takes work, but it's worth it. 

What Is Trust?

Trust can be defined as"reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence"; "confident expectation of something; hope."  To place your trust in someone or something means to believe in that person or thing.  To believe means "to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so".  Trusting, hoping, and believing are not tangible; you cannot go to a store and buy trust.  You cannot manufacture hope or belief.  It's not possible.

If trust is not a tangible thing, where does it come from?  Whenever people are asked to name a quality they seek in the people they choose to partner with in life, one of the first responses most people give is "trust".  Why is trust so important?  How did something so immeasurable become so essential to our relationships?

I believe that I never really understood what trust was until my trust was betrayed.  I'm sure I've been disappointed by people in the past, but never really thought that I couldn't trust them anymore.  Betrayal, however, means I can never trust that person again.  At what point does disappointment become betrayal, breaking this sacred trust?  

I ask these questions because, as I continue my journey of self-discovery (which seems never-ending), I've come to realize that my definition of trust is never static.  In the past, my ability to trust has been based on my expectations - what I believed was right and true for me.  When I felt disappointed, hurt, or betrayed by someone, it's because that person didn't meet my expectations.  That person didn't do what I would have done.  In other words, that person is not me.

In my last post, I mentioned that my expectations were largely to blame for the failure of my relationships.  As soon as someone didn't meet my expectations, that relationship was irreparable for me.  I felt unsure and began to perceive the person as unreliable, therefore, unworthy of my trust.  That is a lot of pressure to put on someone.  Imagine starting a relationship telling someone: "You must prove yourself worthy of my trust."  That's arrogant, and borders on narcissistic.  But isn't that what we ask of others, when we "test" them in the various ways humans like to play games and manipulate each other?  

If trust means "confidence", "belief", "hope", and those things are intangible, how can people prove themselves worthy of trust?  How can people prove something that has no "absolute proof"?  

I continue to ask questions about trust, because it is an important concept to me, and because I know I do not have the answers.  However, there are some personal truths relating to the concept of trust that have begun to guide my life:

• God is my Creator.  He is the One I must trust, for He knows my beginning, my end, and everything in between.  
• People were not placed on this earth to meet my expectations. No one is required to prove him or herself to me. Anyone who comes into my life is there to teach me a life lesson, not to stroke my ego.  
• Speaking of ego, I need to remember that no one is me. I AM ME. No one else.  And therefore, I cannot ask someone to think or act like me.  Just one of me is more than enough for this world!
• I am certain that nothing is certain.  Someone in my life today could be gone tomorrow, by the mere fact that I do not hold the knowledge of what could happen tomorrow.
• My journey is mine, and for the time others are a part of it, I must accept who they are and where they are on their personal journey.
• Belief, hope, and confidence come through consistency.  I can only control my own consistency, no one else's.  Therefore, if I am consistent, others will begin to have confidence in me.  And I can only trust that what I put out into the universe will come back to me, even a hundredfold.
• Sometimes, trust holds fear's hand.  This happens because we were created to question, doubt, investigate, internalize knowledge and wisdom, and then decide to trust.  This is the moment when trust can drop fear's hand and walk on confidently.

As we walk through life, our experiences teach us who to trust, and for some of us that number dwindles with  time.  However, the most important thing is to remain open to who and what God has placed in your life in that moment, to let go of fear's hand, and to know that, above all, "Trust involves letting go and knowing God will catch you." (Dr. James Dobson)

You don't have to trust me, and you don't have to believe what I'm saying. That's what is so beautiful about this journey, called life, that we are all on.  It is our own.